Friday, April 22, 2011
I am lousy at suffering.
But the Lord is calling me to mental suffering right now, the suffering of uncertainty about whether we can reach our dear baby before his counrty shuts down to international adoptions sometime in June.
A dear friend emailed me today and sent me these wise and comforting words:
I keep going back to what you prayed for at the beginning of the year. Suffering. Your request has stayed with me in my heart because it touched me that you would ask Christ for suffering... God did make you suffer with some real ailments.... but to suffer for your child! Heartbreaking! but I wonder...
How did God feel sending his Son to suffer for mankind? How did Mary endure the passion of Christ ?
Of course we cannot know God's plans for us. He wants us to prosper! He wants us to love! He knows the plans He has for us! He knows us by every hair on our head. We cannot ask Why (is there this delay and doubt)? If we do, then we shoudl be asking God 'why' when things are going our way too. (why are my kids healthy, why do I have a happy marriage? Why do I have intelligence? Why has God graced me with the gift of faith?)
My advice is to stick close to Christ. Rely and trust in Him. If you find you cannot pray, which is difficult to do when we are upset, just vision yourself being held by Him. He does hold you in the palm of His hand!
Also unite yourself to Mary. Who better to ask than Jesus's sweet mother?! She will help you.
Last night I visited 7 Churches and saw Jesus in the Eucharist sitting alone in the stripped bare semi-darkness...
Like my baby. Like me.
All I could do was pray along with Jesus, "Abba, not my will, but thine, be done."
And wait for the Resurrection, that is sure to come. In God's own time.