Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Spiritually Sluggish

I am sometimes very disappointed in the way the Architect of the Universe has set things up for us.

Case in point:


Starting in September of 2009, when my 6th baby was about 6 months old, I was going 3 mornings at week at 6am to a fitness "boot camp" where I got my sorry postpartum butt-kicked for 30 minutes. This lasted until Christmas, not because I quite but because the trainer running the camp moved to Colorado. Liking the results (I lost my last 10 pounds of baby weight and 5 inches off my waist!) and somehow staying motivated to get up freakishly early in the dark, cold, deadness of winter, I decided to commit to running a 1/2 Marathon in May. My hubby joined in the goal and training and my then-15 yo son usually went with us 3 mornings a week to the local cheap gym to get in some quality family bonding/treadmill time (since he plays lacrosse in the spring and joins his parents in getting a bit smooshy over the fall and winter). What a goal! What perseverance! We did it! We ran the 1/2 Marathon and I was fit and looking GOOD for being 40+ with 6 critters.

Then we fell off the wagon over the summer.... oh, it wasn't entirely our fault. A major kitchen renovation and me being bitten by a dog and a DCFS visit for our accident-prone 3 yo boy (due to the a misdiagnosis of an x-ray by the local urgent care center) all contributed. So I know I need to get back to running/regular exercise, both for myself and for my Lax-loving (but not self-motivated) son and my "needing to be fit for his law enforcement job" hubby...

but my inner child is rebelling.

I feel cheated.

I feel like I did this BEFORE I should get to be DONE with it FOREVER.

My spiritual life often works this way. I feel like I should get "credit" NOW for the prayers/sacrifices/devotions I have done in the PAST....

I said a Rosary yesterday, do I have to do it again TODAY????
*insert long sigh at end like my 11 yo daughter does when told to bring up her laundry basket*

I can be a real over-achiever...interspersed with long periods of pure sloth.

So I need to beg the Lord for CONSISTENCY...

think about it, to really "Live for the Lord" in 2001, I need to do it EVERY DAY, not just the days I feel good or well-rested, not resting on my laurels for past spiritual accomplishments but to see each day as standing on its OWN and do what needs to be done for that day.

I know I should not look ahead to all the days it will need to be done because that makes my lazy nature freak-out in anticipation of future pain without the benefit of the grace of the present moment.

Which reminds me, I borrowed the book "Abandonment to Divine Providence" by Jean-Pierre de Caussade and I should spend some time READING it (rather than the silly "What Not To Wear" guide I picked up at the library the other day)! Mother Angelica often talks about this concept of God only giving you the grace needed FOR the moment IN the moment, so we should not borrow trouble by our worry and dread of future events, but follow his Will in the NOW, where He will never abandon us, but always be right by our side, or indeed cradling us in His arms close to His heart.

I know that is where I need to be in 2011. So I will spend some time in Adoration and in quiet prayer and talking to my hubby (the graces of the Sacrament of Marriage make him an amazing source of wisdom concerning God's will for me which I have ignored in the past and vow to take full advantage of in 2011) about the 1/2 Marathon and spiritual practices (and whether my 4 yo should go to preschool - hey, God cares about everying!) and just how God wants me to spend this precious New Year!!

No comments:

Post a Comment