The subject of a special needs international adoption was broached at lunch yesterday.
I showed him the picture of the little guy I feel drawn to. I cried. I told him how we could borrow money and fundraise to afford it. I talked about how being a Christian needs to be more than just Sunday Mass, more than just being a "good person," more than striving for the American Dream, more than just saving up for family vacations and gettting our kids nice toys and the latest electronics...
Hubby looked completely stunned. Like a deer in headlights.
I am sure his dreams of Florida retirement and effortless parenting the next 16 years or so (since our youngest is almost 2) were flashing before his eyes.
He did not speak much the rest of lunch. I filled in the silence with neutral chatter.
As we finished and got ready to leave the restaurant, I gave him the folder I had printed out with blog entries, Reese's Rainbow information, and some biblical quotes on Adoption and asked him to read it and for us to pray about it.
and then, despite all my willful desires to the contrary, I did not speak of it again the rest of the day.
Oh, it was tempting. It IS tempting. The gospel of the day was the BEATITUDES for goodness sake!!!
But I stay silent. I helped the little ones make it through Mass (probably the best one in MONTHS for my 4 year old who just cannot stay still/silent for 1 hour every Sunday morning). I made a lovely breakfast after Church. I cleaned up the kitchen. I changed a stinky diaper.
He is sitting on the couch watching sports or the History Channel or HGTV....
I will stay silent.
I prayed at Mass today for those poor orphan children who are silent because they have realized their cries will not be answered. I begged our dear Lord who stays silent and hidden in the Eucharist to bring these littlest ones his love and mercy.
And bring His trust and peace to my dear husband's soul.
It will be His doing.
Because now I will be silent until the Spirit prompts me to speak again....
but I will pray in the deepest silence of my heart.