Fat Tuesday

We are moving as quickly as possible to get our documents and Home Study ready to submit for approval to bring our little guy home...

but until then there are so many families who have stepped out on faith to bring home children with Down's Syndrome and other physical and mental challenges from places like Russia and Eastern Europe.

One that has touched my heart is here. This family needs to go get their daughter Lera NOW! She has been transferred to a mental institution (where most unadopted children, whether physically or mentally challenged) end up.

Today is "Fat Tuesday." For Catholics that means a day of feasting before the fasting and penances of Lent.

Can you start your fasting one day earlier and give the money saved to Lera??

I was planning on a little "feast" with my 4 yo and 2 yo today for lunch....but I think I will pack some food and make a big "fat" donation to Lera's fundraiser instead.

Please prayerfully consider if you can join me!!!

What a Difference a Week Makes

On Sunday Feb. 27, I was in tears at Mass because I had given up to the Lord my desire to adopt since I was SURE my husband would never agree...

On Sunday March 6, I was in tears at Mass because my dear husband had said YES and was pushing even faster than me to get our little guy home!!

Miracles happen. Every day.
We need to PRAY with all our strength and OPEN our eyes and hearts in love and trust.

How it Happened

I was going to write a several installment story giving all the details of the brutal 72 hours between our Friday night dinner and the moment on Sunday night where DH agreed to the adoption....

I was going to give all the gory details including my tears, his emotional shutdown, and our hour-long knock-down-drag-out argument....

I was going to share my sinfulness and stupidity, which almost (but for the grace of God) cost me my heart's dearest desire....

I was going to talk about how less than 12 hours before DH said "yes" I fell on my kness before Jesus and offered it all to Him - admitting I was trying to do this all myself and realizing I could do NOTHING on my own - I gave it all up if it was His Will and relinquished my desires to control my DH and to get what I wanted when I wanted it (even if it was objectively good)...

but instead I will just say that we are now of one heart and mind to do whatever it takes bring our little guy home as soon as possible!

I was also going to say "Thank You" to my Jesus again....

and that I will do.

Thank you Lord.

YES LORD YES!!!!

As if there was any doubt that our God can move mountains and carse so deeply about each and every one of us at every moment and that miracles can happen when you admit your powerlessness and give everything up to God....

HE SAID YES!!

After a traumatic weekend where we were both tested in fire and brought to our knees by our weakness, the Grace of God and the love of our Holy Mother showered down on our family and we are beginning the adoption process to bring a child with a disability home from Eastern Europe!!!!

It will take several posts for me to fill you in on the days leading up to this miracle of love and faith....

I am looking forward to it....

but for now I must work on getting passports and transferring money and.....

oh my goodness, he said YES to the deepest desire of my heart....

I get to be a mommy for the 7th time and a little guy will get a forever mommy and daddy and family....

thank you Jesus. For everything.

Random Friday....turned into 7 Quick Takes Friday #2

I suppose I could have done a "Quick Takes Friday" for this if I could organize my thoughts into any reasonable facsimile of 7 bullet points...

but the Dora video running downstairs is almost over, so here, in no particular order, is what is on my mind and heart today:

1) The old minivan my son drives broke down on the way to school yesterday...but depite our fears, the "Dirty Dan" (family nickname for the car) lives (with a $350 new alternator)!

2) Hubby and I are going out to dinner and I will bring up the adoption again, it has not been mentioned between us for weeks now, and I had hoped that my temporary job would have helped alleviate the "cash crunch" enough that he could consider the issue without a critical level of financial fear and worry, but.......

3) things just came up at hubby's work that we hope will resolve by the beginning of March, but they will make it very difficult for him to feel secure about committing to such a large financial obligation as international adoption, but....

4) friends of my husband's family started a charitable foundation for disabled children (in honor of their son Tommy who lived his whole life in a wheelchair with a developmental disability until he died 2 years ago at age 20) and the huge annual fundraiser for the charity we always attend is coming up on March 6....I had looked at the flyer earlier in the day and then ran out to Adoration later and while praying in front of Our Lord it came to me - "Ask for a grant for your baby!!!" Yes, the child I want to adopt has both a cleft palate and arthrogryposis and will likely need many surgeries, so he is just the kind of child the foundation was started to help!! I plan on bringing this up to hubby tonight so I can check into the process...

5) Another financial "incentive" to the adoption I just thought of is that my almost 2 yo would be eligible for the free state program preschool at ages 3 and 4 if we have a disabled child in the house (my 4 yo is eligible next year because we have more than 3 children living at home and my oldest has an IEP, but this will not count for the school year AFTER this coming one because my oldest will be in college). So adopting would SAVE us $400-$500 a month in preschool costs (preschool is pricey here in the Chicago suburbs)!

6) I also thought of how we could manage to go abroad for several weeks to get our baby...my sister who lives in Portland (with her hubby and 3 boys) usually comes into town around August for at least 2 weeks...but her boys are homeschooled, so she is very flexible...I could pay for her and her children to COME STAY HERE and run the household while hubby and I had to go overseas!! She would LOVE to snuggle and dress my 2 yo daughter in pink for that time whole time! My 4 yo son would LOVE to hang out with her big boys! She can take everyone all over the Chicagoland area visiting relatives and supervise the older kids as well! Making a note right now to bring this up to hubby tonight too....

7) Finally, a new microwave is being delivered any minute now, to replace the one that burst into flames a few weeks ago - new one covered by warranty! See the Lord always provides! Blessed be the Lord!!

Oh, well I guess I did manage to do a 7 Quick Takes Friday, I should go try and get the header....




I got the extra time because baby came up and nursed to sleep on my lap while I typed ;-)

Peace to all and please continue your prayers for God's Will to be done in my family!!

I did it! Now I need to give it up....

The subject of a special needs international adoption was broached at lunch yesterday.

I showed him the picture of the little guy I feel drawn to. I cried. I told him how we could borrow money and fundraise to afford it. I talked about how being a Christian needs to be more than just Sunday Mass, more than just being a "good person," more than striving for the American Dream, more than just saving up for family vacations and gettting our kids nice toys and the latest electronics...

Hubby looked completely stunned. Like a deer in headlights.

I am sure his dreams of Florida retirement and effortless parenting the next 16 years or so (since our youngest is almost 2) were flashing before his eyes.

He did not speak much the rest of lunch. I filled in the silence with neutral chatter.

As we finished and got ready to leave the restaurant, I gave him the folder I had printed out with blog entries, Reese's Rainbow information, and some biblical quotes on Adoption and asked him to read it and for us to pray about it.

and then, despite all my willful desires to the contrary, I did not speak of it again the rest of the day.

Oh, it was tempting. It IS tempting. The gospel of the day was the BEATITUDES for goodness sake!!!

But I stay silent. I helped the little ones make it through Mass (probably the best one in MONTHS for my 4 year old who just cannot stay still/silent for 1 hour every Sunday morning). I made a lovely breakfast after Church. I cleaned up the kitchen. I changed a stinky diaper.

He is sitting on the couch watching sports or the History Channel or HGTV....

I will stay silent.

I prayed at Mass today for those poor orphan children who are silent because they have realized their cries will not be answered. I begged our dear Lord who stays silent and hidden in the Eucharist to bring these littlest ones his love and mercy.

And bring His trust and peace to my dear husband's soul.

It will be His doing.

Because now I will be silent until the Spirit prompts me to speak again....

but I will pray in the deepest silence of my heart.

The Realities of Spiritual Warfare

Well, I had my 7 Quick Takes Friday #2 all ready to go, but my experiences yesterday and today urged me to table that one until next week in favor of a more serious subject....

Now I am not one to look for the boogy-man around every shadowy corner, but our Holy Mother Church makes it clear that the devil and his minions are REAL and that they roam the earth seeking the ruin of souls...

While our Lord Jesus Christ has won the war on our behalf, there are skirmishes still to be fought. And since the devil knows that he is ultimately the loser for all eternity, he works more desperately in the present moment to grasp at whatever smaller victory he can...

which is the damnation of individual souls.

We have free will. We can accept or reject Satan the same way we can accept or reject God.

But what I think people today do not realize is that the opportunities for acceptance or rejection come every single day in a hundred little ways. C.S. Lewis realized and expounded upon this in The Screwtape Letters. I saw an amazing theatre performance of the book in the Winter of 2008, when I was pregnant with #6. The Senior Tempter and the demonic minion who delivered his correspondence were the only characters and all the dialogue was straight from the book. It was very powerful to SEE and HEAR the sneering "Uncle Screwtape" giving advice to his "nephew demon" Wormwood on how to lead and tempt and seduce a soul closer and closer to hell.... bit by bit.... using the soul's own desires and yearnings (even the good ones!)... always seeking to capitalize on those sins that particular soul is most inclined to (pride, vanity, gluttony, etc.)

So I had decided earlier in the week that I was going to bring up the subject of Special Needs adoption to my dear hubby on Saturday. I would take him out to lunch after our morning Marriage Retreat at the parish (requred of parents whose children are in Religious Ed) and give him the picture of the little one I am feeling called to bring into our family.

I was getting more and more nervous as the week went on. This is the man I have been married to for almost 22 years and have had 6 children with, yet I was becoming overly concerned about his reaction, about if he would think I am crazy, about him rejecting the idea out-of-hand....

so on Thursday morning, while I was working my way through a mountain of laundry, I decided to call in the "big guns" - my own personal spiritual warriors, 5 very good and holy women who I can always count on for serious support and guidance.

I sent out an urgent email missive to my friends asking for their prayers for a matter I would be discussing with Paul on Saturday, and told them that I would be praying and fasting on Friday for this intention and asked if they would join me. They all replied in a short time with enthusiastic support and obvious curiosity for the subject of their petitions, but they graciously accepted that I would be able to share in the near future.

So I went back to "re-boot" the laundry - i.e. fold what was in the dryer, take out from the washer and put in dryer and then start dryer....

but the dryer just would would not start (even after calls to the company hotline and various troubleshooting tactics were tried).

It had been working all morning as I had gotten through about 3 or 4 loads, but it would no longer start at all.

And I knew.

I knew that when I sought and received the spirtual support of my holy friends before the altar of God, the devil decided to go for the jugular....and today the jugular was my dryer.

I knew that the evil one was hitting my dear hubby where he was most vulnerable,

In the "Oh my gosh we have so many unexpected expenditures we will never have enough money for all the kids we have now!!!" place where my so-responsible hubby goes when he is staring at a large and unplanned for repair (or replacement) bill.

Oh yes, he knows where he can get us.

He can get me in the "but I am a good person already, better than most really, I love God and my husband and family and mankind in general and isn't that enough so I deserve a cup of coffee and to sit and read a magazine" place.

The reality of Spiritual Warfare is that he can get us in so many places, places of our deepest sins, places of our silliest little habits, places of our ingrained vices....places where we don't let Jesus go.

So I let Jesus in. I opened the floodgates to prayer and fasting on Friday. Oh, and I threw in a little physical pain for good measure (offering up a really bad sore throat)!

I gave it all up to God today.

I now know that how I present the adoption doesn't matter, nor does it matter what the repair bill on the dryer is, or whether the atmosphere at the restaurant I pick for lunch is appropriate.

I now know that if it is God's will that we adopt that God will move my husband's heart.

I refuse to be afraid.

I refuse to let Satan "get me" (and those I love) in ANY place, either in my heart or in my laundry room.

Game. Set. Match. 

Take that Screwtape.